


cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

by equinoctial



Series: hecking superb you funky little whippersnapper [1]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash and Eiji are happily married, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, all the good guys are living their best lives, and accidentally play house with Akira, yeehaw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 10:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17404994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/equinoctial/pseuds/equinoctial
Summary: Oh.Oh.That did it. Ash had absolutely zero tolerance for insults involving his beloved husband. Let it be known that he was highly allergic to Eiji-related bullshit.Surprisingly, the next scathing comment wasn't from Ash.He blinked owlishly at the girl in the oversized jacket as she engaged in verbal combat-- with the old grumpy neighbour two times her height no less. It was like a little round baby penguin squawking at a ruffled flamingo. Needless to say, Ash was really impressed with the newcomer.





	cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

How could anyone look at Aslan Jade Callenreese and Eiji Okumura together while thinking that they weren't disgustingly in love was anyone's guess. Shorter liked to quip about how they were just constantly in the honeymoon phase. Sing gagged every time Eiji gave Ash eskimo kisses at the threshold, both parties always fondly laughing at the contact. Their old neighbours had taken one look at them, rings on hand included, and bombarded them with excited questions about their relationship and young love and whatnot.

 

While Ash found said old neighbours, Mrs.Coleman and Mrs.Owens, a bit too nosy for their own good, they were still kind at heart and he still liked them quite a bit-- they were like the busybody but well-meaning grandmas he never had. It helped that the two housewives absolutely adored his darling Eiji, and anyone who showered his husband with the love that he deserved gets a brownie point in his book.

 

True to their bond, Eiji still has tea with them every Thursday evening, even though they’ve moved out of their apartment building to a bigger brownstone at Greenwich.

 

In the meantime, he took nice long walks around the neighbourhood, accompanied by the main reason behind that huge moving decision.

 

Their large golden retriever was an absolute dear, always happily trotting along the sidewalk beside Ash as they made their way around the block. Buddy got used to a routine: walking to Washington Square park, then calmly waiting for Ash to buy a sneaky hotdog at the corner store, followed by staring at a small chihuahua that was always staring back from a ground apartment window past 6th Avenue.

 

And even after years, Buddy always perked up whenever they passed by Christopher Street and West Fourth street station.

 

This time, he even whined at the sight, pulling the leash towards the Christopher street station entrance.

 

“Woah there boy! I get it,” Ash couldn't help but laugh behind his scarf, two hands pulling back the over eager Buddy from dashing down the steps into the underground station. “I miss him too, but he's not coming by train this time. He’ll be driving back from the airport bud.”

 

 _With Ibe’s niece apparently._  Ash mused at the thought of another person staying with them for a month. Unlike Eiji, Ash wasn't the most accommodating person around-- he was aware that he appeared intimidating and cold to most, and god help him if he managed to scare another one of Eiji's family friends away.

 

He sighed, standing up and guiding Buddy back on track, trying to push away the self doubt that seemed to cling to him like a second skin. Buddy, the golden haired angel, seemed to have noticed his inner demons making their appearance again, and had jumped up with a bark, his front legs pushing against Ash’s stomach as he attempted to lick his owner’s face.

 

Ash yelped in surprise, the niggling dark voice at the back of his mind temporarily forgotten.

 

“Easy Buddy! You're not a puppy anymore,” Ash carried him back to the ground with a huff, the dog then retorting with a bark. “If you want to get back earlier we have to avoid--”

 

“Ah, Dr. Callenreese! Good evening.”

 

“Oh hello Mrs.Smith,” his smile was definitely too wide to be considered genuine, but he held no patience for this particular resident of the neighbourhood. Neither did Buddy, if his sudden soft growling and insistence to move away from the spot was of any indication.

 

Thankfully she was just the mother of the main homeowner, who was actually a lovely woman juxtaposed to her awful parent. If Ash had to deal with Mrs. Smith senior outside of the holiday season when she came to visit, he probably would have blown a gasket and caused a huge scene. Eiji would worry-- Ash was not having any of that.

 

Unfortunately, it was December, and Christmas was just around the corner. So, she was back at it again, and his yearly quota of Mrs Smith was just reaching his threshold of tolerance.

 

“It must be freezing out there! Just came back from the university?” Mrs.Smith tone was sickeningly honey sweet, the kind that aimed to trap. “Why don't you and your dog come in for a nice cup of cocoa? Penelope and her male friend will be out for a bit.”

 

“Did you mean David?” Ash was smiling even wider, head tilting innocently. “Her _husband_?”

 

“Oh but you don't believe that do you? He's one of those airy artist types. Didn't even have a proper wedding because he was too poor.”

 

“Flying to Switzerland to have their wedding at the Alps isn't what most people can afford Mrs. Smith.” Ash laughed, an oscar-worthy performance despite his mouth wanting to scream. “They seem very happy together.”

 

“I just don't know if Penelope is _truly_ happy with that man,” there was a great big sigh and a noticeable grumble to her words. Her eyes were looking at Ash as if seeking agreement, as if Ash could give two shits.

 

God, he really missed Mrs. Owens and Mrs. Coleman at times like these.

 

“Ah but if only she could have married _you_ Dr. Callenreese. You got brains and the looks to match, not like that airy artist--”

 

“I'm very much _happily married_ to my _photographer artist_ of a husband Mrs Smith!” Ash could not have smiled any wider. He might have just scared Buddy with how _hard_ he was smiling. “I'm very _very_ happy and I love him very _very_ much.”

 

“Oh my,” she retorted, looking affronted about something that wasn't any of her business. “You're married?”

 

“Yes, very happily for years now. I believe you've met him _several times_ ,” Ash narrowed his eyes, his feet already preparing to take him away from the spot before he was threw hands with a middle aged lady in a neon pink bathrobe. “I’ll have to leave now Mrs Smith, my _husband_ is waiting--”

 

“I didn't know you were married to him, I would have thought you would have a supermodel Marilyn Monroe wife or something,” Mrs Smith sighed, her disappointment clear as day. “I guess it’s true that opposites attract.”

 

Oh. _Oh_. That did it. Ash had absolutely zero tolerance for bullshit when it came to Eiji. He was highly allergic to Eiji-related bullshit.

 

The yearly quota has now been reached.

 

But before he could make any scathing insults towards her person, Buddy pulled on the leash real hard, causing him to stumble towards the golden retriever’s direction, where the dog was currently circling a young pedestrian and her father-

 

-except the father looked very much like his dear husband, his large round glasses all fogged up and sitting askewed on his face, one hand holding a brown paper bag while the other typing on his phone. He immediately brightened when he spotted the pair, grinning as he approached the duo.

 

“Buddy! Did you miss me boy? How's the love of my life doing?” Eiji’s laugh was warm and bright, his hand pocketing the phone, crouching down onto the pavement in order to give the dog some good pats. The unfamiliar girl next to him hesitantly patting the dog must be Ibe’s niece then. She was making wary glances at his person too, her oversized beanie and puffy jacket covering the rest of her face.

 

“I thought I was the love of your life?” Ash didn't care that he was very much visibly pouting, not at all. Buddy even had the gall to bark back at his question, tail wagging at the attention.

 

“Oh, you're here too Ash. Hi.”

 

“Eiji!”

 

“I'm kidding! I missed you too dear-- even if I did just see you this morning,” Eiji laughed as he jogged up to him, pulling down his scarf just a tad so he could give a quick peck on the lips, the tingling warmth travelling across his whole body. The way he had to tiptoe and tilt his head upwards to reach his lips got him every single time-- _every single time._

 

So much that he didn’t catch most of what Eiji was trying to tell him, his head stuck on cloud nine yet again.

 

“-I tried calling and texting you that we've arrived but you weren't picking up so I figured you were walking Buddy. I brought Akira with me to check out the neighbourhood-- uh, Ash? Darling? Earth to Ash? _Aslan?"_

 

“Huh?” Ash blinked owlishly, the mention of his name breaking him out of his stupor. “Sure babe, whatever you want.”

 

“Ah forget it, the cold makes you delirious. Here, something warm for you,” Eiji held out the brown bag, and Ash wordlessly accepted his offering. When he opened the bag, the delicious smell of his favourite smoked salmon bagel wafted out.

 

“Eiji. Did you know that I love you, with all my heart and soul?” he whispered reverently, holding the crumpled brown bag close to his heart. “With this, I think I’ll be able to brave the cold harshness of this winter.”

 

“Eat your bagel before it goes cold you embarrassing dork,” Eiji giggled as he lightly punched his shoulder, while Ibe’s niece held back a snort at his street-side proclamation of love, subsequently coughing in an attempt to disguise her laughter.

 

The light hearted atmosphere, however, was broken when another loud purposeful cough brought their attention back to Mrs Smith. She didn’t bother hiding her contempt when she squinted at Eiji through her tacky horned rimmed glasses, still standing at the door with her arms akimbo.

 

“Oh!” Eiji smiled sheepishly, waving at the grumpy lady ever so politely and sweetly like the angel he was. “Good evening Mrs. Smith! Were you talking to Ash? I hope I didn’t interrupt your conversation.”

 

“It’s fine, I didn’t expect anything less,” she huffed, fixing her glasses with her head held high, a look of haughty disdain directed towards Eiji. “You’re quite plain and simple for someone who’s married to Dr. Callenreese-”

 

“And you’re acting way too high and mighty for someone who just ruined a cute harmless moment.”

 

Surprisingly, the comment didn’t leave Ash’s mouth.

 

He blinked owlishly at the girl in the oversized jacket, her eyes narrowed above the cover of her scarf, both hands in her pocket as she challenged the older lady two times her height. It was like a little round baby penguin squawking at a ruffled flamingo.

 

The flamingo in question gasped. “Wh- who are you-- why I’d never _\--"_

 

“Akira!” Eiji hissed, more pleading than annoyed. Ash was sure Eiji didn’t want to deal with Mrs.Smith anymore than he did, even at the cost of said person insulting his character. Eiji didn’t mind it, but that didn't mean Ash felt the same.

 

“I mean,” Ash retorted, adding fuel to the flames. “She’s not wrong--”

 

“Ash!” Eiji tugged on the sleeve of his coat with a great amount of force, while Mrs. Smith outright shrieked in indignation, causing some passersby to stare at the scene. Eiji lifted both Ash and Akira at the scruff of their necks just slightly, like naughty children-- except Ash was way too tall for Eiji, so he was comically hunched over. On the other hand, little Akira still had her hands in her pockets as she hovered over the pavement.

 

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Smith! Neither Ash nor Akira here do very well in the cold. I would like to apologise on their behalf."

 

“W-well,” Mrs. Smith recollected herself, fixing her glasses once more. Ash was sure the shade of red in her face wasn’t just due to the cold. She grumbled out the rest of her words. “ _Like father like daughter_ I suppose. You best take care of the both of them.”

 

“--he’s not my--”

 

“--she’s not my--”

 

“ _I definitely will_ Mrs. Smith!” Eiji said that with way too much forced cheer. For someone who had the demeanor of a soft teddy bear, Eiji was built like a bloody tank underneath his grandpa fashion-- he immediately dragged both of them with ease, all the way across to the next block where Mrs. Smith couldn’t see nor hear them, while Buddy skipped happily all the way with his leash still in Ash’s hand.

 

“Ash,” Eiji sighed, finally letting go of both their collars. “Now that we are away from _her_. This is Akira, Ibe’s niece. She’s going to be staying with us for a month. Her name in Japanese means dawn too! Just like you!”

 

Akira shyly waved, very dramatically different to her bravado just then. Maybe that was a spur of the moment thing.

 

“She’s usually really shy,” Eiji sighed, scratching the back of his head. “Was it the jetlag Aki-chan?”

 

“No? Okumura-san, that lady was clearly bullying you,” her tone clearly irritated at the situation. “You taught me to stand up to bullies so I did. Even Mr. Callenreese thought I was right.”

 

“Aki-chan--”

 

“Call me Ash kid,” Ash whistled. “That was some fu-- that was some real guts there Akira.”

 

“You can say “fuck”,” Akira shrugged, her hands now back in her pockets. “I’m like, thirteen-- not five.”

 

Ash laughed at the subsequent contrast between Eiji’s horrified expression and Akira’s nonchalant one.

 

“Ash. _Do not-_ ”

 

“ _Fucking superb you funky little chick_ ,” Ash commented, despite his husband’s warning. Eiji was definitely going to chew his ear off when they headed for bed tonight. “I’ll buy you whatever you want to eat.”

 

“Thanks _dad_. Nuggets would be nice I guess.”

 

“Absolutely not! ” Eiji scoffed, swiping Buddy’s leash from Ash, his glasses fogging up again. “ _You!_ Eat your bagel. I’ve already cooked dinner. We are going home to heat it up and we are going to help Akira unpack!”

 

Ash bit into the bread as instructed, nodding an affirmative to Eiji’s request. But when his husband walked far enough in front, when he was clearly out of earshot, Ash leaned down to whisper to Akira.

 

“Don’t tell your  _father_ , but I’ll quickly get you your nuggies when we turn at the next corner. I’ll put it in your backpack.”

 

Akira gave him a quick thumbs up before she waddled in front of Ash in that oversized puffy jacket of hers, her bag directly in front of Ash for nugget-placing purposes.

 

 _Oh._ This month was going to be _fun_.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Brooklyn Nine Nine, which is coincidentally where most of my humour comes from
> 
> hopefully Ash and Akira radiate the same energy as that "when mom isn't home" video during that end bit  
> because it's probably gonna be Eiji and Akira radiating that energy next yeehaw


End file.
